


Bro we're Literally Not Discord Friends

by CherryTrap



Category: Half-Life
Genre: Discord - Freeform, Minecraft, mention of transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-16 01:27:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29199108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CherryTrap/pseuds/CherryTrap
Summary: Gordon and Benry get into an argument over whether or not Hatsune Miku created Minecraft.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	Bro we're Literally Not Discord Friends

Out of all of the hobbies I could've picked up, this really wasn’t one that I’d expected. Art or painting or learning how to play an instrument would've been nice. But no, I modded a Discord server. It wasn’t even an actual hobby.

The server was pretty small and friendly; the biggest problem we faced was people accidentally spamming or bringing up nsfw outside of the nsfw channel. I got nitro and socialization as a reward so it’s not like I minded anyways.

Most of the people on the server were pretty civil and made for good conversation. Obviously, though, trouble would arise every now and then. Like the one guy who would always go into voice chat and blast Japanese anime girl music. Hatsune Miku I think?

Whenever I mod, I hang out in voice chat and play music with Groovy. People will usually join and talk to me; I’ve befriended a lot of people in the server this way. This one person, in particular, has truly mastered the art of blaring music at people, giving me a finer example than any annoying neighbor could ever set.

“Hatsune Miku,” explained the ass themself, “is a blue-haired goddess from Japan. She wrote Harry Potter, is the older sister of Boyfriend from Friday Night Funkin, is a trans lesbian, and created Minecraft.” They sent a drawing of Miku holding a trans flag into the if-you-cant-speak-out-loud chat. Out of sheer will to not scream at this random person, I instead sunk down at my desk and held my head in my hands. Miku wouldn't stop singing. I couldn't just tell them to stop the music, they technically hadn’t done anything wrong. I definitely couldn’t ban Hatsune Miku. “Nonono, Notch created Minecraft. But he-” “YEAH HE'S TRANSPHOBIC THAT'S WHY IT'S MIKU’S NOW.” I groaned before raising my head back to up to my screen and brought his volume down. “Yeah, I get that he’s transphobic but that doesn’t mean that it’s Mikus.” “It’s a meme bro.” Silence would've echoed between us, but Miku had now decided to sing another peppy pop song. “You didn’t know that?” They asked. I still looked at my computer in disbelief. “That’s cringe bro.” 

I muted Groovy and went back to the general chat. Maybe there I’d finally find some distraction from BenryBenryBenry. BenryBenryBenry was instead asking others if Hatsune Miku had indeed created Minecraft. It was a unanimous vote and one of those several people are typing situations. I definitely had something to say: How can a fictional character create a video game? Unfortunately, though, I had to go and pick up Josh.

…

The next day, when I logged onto Discord the first thing I immediately noticed was a friend request from Benrybenrybenry. I don’t have discord on my phone, for good reason. Half the server dms me and @s me and I’d be getting constant notifications. I usually message people back, accept friend requests, etc. but I was going to refuse this person the privilege. I chatted on another server for a bit until I eventually decided to check in on my main server. Today, Benry was already waiting for me in voice chat. I also denied him this privilege and went to a different voice channel. He immediately joined me.

“You see, Hatsune Miku is god,” Benrybenrybenry explained. They didn’t have much else to explain though, as I immediately muted them. And Groovy. Hatsune Miku could sing all she wanted but I did not care to listen. I just wanted to hang out and have fun. This was my hobby, not theirs afterall. Then a message notification popped up. 

Benrybenrybenry: Dude r u even listening to me explain the storyline of rolling girl

I was so tempted to just block them. But no, this guy had caused too much damage to my eardrums.

Gordonphd: Yeah you said that she created Minecraft  
Benrybenrybenry: Thats not what the songs about  
Benrybenrybenry: I said the song was about a schoolgirl  
Benrybenrybenry: And she's you know  
Gordonphd: I know  
Benrybenrybenry: No you dont you havent been listening

I left dms and went back to the server. He was talking in the cant talk out loud channel and @ing me repeatedly. I saw something about a sad school girl.

“Hey, @ing a mod for no reason is a strike.” Benrybenrybenry probably didn’t mute me in return. I could practically feel his anger at me through my computer. Another dm notification popped up.

Benrybenrybenry: YEAH BUT SHE'S GOD AND SHE'S HIDING IN YOUR WIFI  
Benrybenrybenry: Listen here Gordon Feetman

He was still typing something out but I didn't give him the chance to finish.

Gordonphd: How do you know my last name  
Gordonphd: Well  
Gordonphd: That's not my last name but it's close

Benrybenrybenry stopped typing for a second but continued a moment later.

Benrybenrybenry: Unmute me.  
Gordonphd: No  
Benrybenrybenry: I’m not writing a wall of text

I really didn’t want to. I could give half a fuck about them. But I did so anyways just to see what they had to say. “So basically, I’m not human.” I stared at my computer in a mix of utter disbelief and annoyance, one of those “what in the actual hell” type of looks. “How the hell are you not human.” I waited for a reply. “I’m just not.” 

…

A few days later, they dmed me.

Benrybenrybenry: Hey so I know Gordon Feetman isn’t your real name  
Benrybenrybenry: I know its Gordon Freeman

This guy was probably just some amateur hacker or whatever but it was still notable enough to get this guy banned. No, it didn’t break any rules but it WAS creepy as fuck. If he knew my name did he know about Josh? Was Josh safe?

I was now free to hang out in voice chat as much as I want, free to not listen to Hatsune Miku, free to look at my block list and see Benrybenrybenry on there. The Hatsune Miku minecraft joke continued, but I knew it'd die out eventually. For a while, things were peaceful.

Until one day, someone named Bonerybonerybonery joined. They never said anything. Ever. Whenever I’d join voice chat they’d join. They weren’t muted, just completely silent. If I said anything in chat they’d just react with some random emoji. This person had to be Benrybenrybenry, right? I thought about dming them but I didn’t want to get met with more Hatsune Miku. 

So, I naturally had to dm whoever this was. Sure it could be someone else, it could be someone who could just be proficient at Googling information, or maybe it was just Benrybenrybenry. If it was them I was sorta concerned because they seemed to be weirdly invested in Miku. Was this a cult? And they were also weirdly serious about not being human. I was as concerned I could be for a random person online.

Gordonphd: Hey so are you Benrybenrybenry  
Gordonphd: Because I had to ban them  
Gordonphd: And it’d make sense for you to be them

I waited for a bit and messed around in other servers until I got a dm notification.

Bonerybonerybonery: Unblock Benrybenrybenry

I stared at the message for a few seconds.

Gordonphd: Why  
Bonerybonerybonery: Just do it bro

I sighed and stared at my screen. I didn’t want to do that. I just wanted to get to the bottom of this shit. Hesitantly I went to my blocked list, clicked on Benrybenrybenry’s icon (now changed to Hatsune Miku), and unblocked them.

Gordonphd: They’re unblocked.

A message notification popped up.

Benrybenrybenry: Yeah so I’m not human  
Gordonphd: How can you not be human  
Benrybenrybenry: Ill prove it bro  
Benrybenrybenry: Dude look up

I didn’t want to. It was silly, yes, this whole conversation had been ridiculous. What was I expecting? An alien spaceship? Pointy elf ears? But no, my room was filled with hundreds of these weird-ass glowy orb things. They lazily floated around casting blue,green, rainbow light.

Benrybenrybenry: Do you see that  
Benrybenrybenry: That was me  
Benrybenrybenry: I spit all of that into your house  
Gordonphd: Is it dangerous?  
Benrybenrybenry: If you disagree that hatsune miku isn’t god then yeah  
Gordonphd: How the hell do you know where I live?  
Benrybenrybenry: Your ip address dude  
Gordonphd: Oh wait

I went online and quickly googled VPNs. The one I wanted was a little expensive but it was worth it if this Miku loving idiot never bothered me again. It did cross my mind that maybe these orb things could watch me somehow but that didn’t matter. I just wanted Miku out of my life.

Gordonphd: So what do these orb things do  
Gordonphd: Are they just pretty lights  
Benrybenrybenry: You should touch one man

I most definitely wasn’t going to. I could just force them out the window with the power of a fan, or beat them with a broomstick or something. I paid for the VPN and did all the necessary stuff to get this creep off my ass.

Benrybenrybenry: Hey Feetman  
Benrybenrybenry: Did you just change your ip  
Gordonphd: Hey how do I get rid of these orbs

Benrybenrybenry went to type something out but stopped. He did this again and again over and over again truly struggling for words. It was quite funny to watch.

I made my way over to my window and opened it. A small breeze was blowing. I went back over to my computer and saw that Benrybenrybenry was still struggling with their words.

Gordonphd: Hey I’m getting your orbs out of my room  
Gordonphd: I hope they’re not living because I’m pushing them out the window.

I turned on my fan and watched as the glowy orbs were blown about the room, eventually floating and fuzzing into the street. They didn’t seem to be doing anything weird but there was less of them. A few settled down onto the street.

Benrybenrybenry: Watch out they explode if they touch the ground  
Gordonphd: No they don’t  
Benrybenrybenry: Yes they do look  
Gordonphd: Hey so did you know  
Benrybenrybenry: Yes  
Gordonphd: That Hatsune Miku is fucking stupid  
Gordonphd: And that she didn’t create Minecraft

I watched the little text thing pop up to let me know that they were typing. It was the same on-off-don’t-know-what-to-say pattern as before, but I didn’t give them the benefit of further explanation.

Gordonphd: Miku will never be my god.

I immediately blocked them, and I’m pretty sure that they did the same. The orbs had evacuated my room and, thankfully, nothing exploded.I hopefully would never talk to that ass ever again, and Hatsune Miku would be leaving my life permanently.

…

A few weeks later I got a Hatsune Miku poster mailed to me from Benrybenrybenry.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi,,, thanks 4 reading :):):) my tumblr is vodka-mutini if ud like 2 check it out :):):)


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